asunder
by GirlWithTheFullmetalHeart
Summary: They were not just mage-hunters, not just a tool of the Chantry: They were protectors, something to be proud of. It was watching her flit around her lovely, gilded cage when he had his first doubts.
1. Chapter 1

_I started this story as a present of sorts to a friend. It's about her Warden, who's quite the character and delightful to write. I was surprised to find myself getting a lot more into writing it than I thought I would._

_It probably won't be very long. A few chapters at most._

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><p>Sometimes, he had wondered if it made him a bad Templar, watching her the way he did.<p>

He has always looked up to the Order, always dreaming of the day when he would serve with them. They were not just mage-hunters, not just a tool of the Chantry: They were protectors, something to be proud of.

It was watching her flit around her lovely, gilded cage when he had his first doubts.

Her Harrowing. He must have been just as nervous as she had been (if not more).

Kill her. Kill her, they said. And it was to protect her. To protect the mages. His duty.

He had told her he would have done it if he had to. He would have carried out his duty. He wasn't a very good liar.

He was a bad liar, in fact. Just as bad a liar as he was a Templar (and maybe that made him a bad person). Not that it stopped him from watching her. Not in a creepy sort of way, he assured himself. Though, if he was to be honest, the way many of the older Templars watched the Mages was a bit creepy.

She'd teased him. Endlessly. She always had a smile on her face and a way to make him blush. Whether it was her harsh language (rare among Templars, and he rarely interacted with the other Mages) or the way she would joke about nearly anything.

When she had passed her Harrowing with flying colours, he had been overjoyed. Killing her would have killed him. Infatuation or no, taking the life of such a woman couldn't be right.

When she had become the Hero of Ferelden… he was stunned. Such a strong mage. And despite what Uldred did… what he had experienced… he respected her more than any Templar.

The worst part was that it was obvious. The other Templars had picked on him. It wasn't that some of them hadn't had their own infatuations with certain mages, but the criticized his taste. _Alasi Amell, really? _She was short and covered in scars. Her red hair seemed to put off the other Templars, but Cullen… Cullen loved it.

It fit her, really. It stood out. It had attitude. It was loud. Perfect, really.

And that was why he'd loved her. Was love the right word? He wondered.

Unrequited love was the strongest, or so they said. And he never forgot her. So perhaps it was the perfect word.


	2. Chapter 2

_As a writer, proofreading and editing has always been my downfall. So I apologize in advance for any errors and whatnot. I'll look back over it in a few days or so, and make edits. Constructive criticism is very welcome, however._

_There will probably only be one or two more chapters after this._

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><p>Kirkwall is a very different place than Amaranthine. Alasi most certainly did not change from Amaranthine's bitter cold. Her heavy, feather-laden Tevinter robes that normally kept her warm bore down on her, sweat gluing the fabric to her skin.<p>

She loved the Tevinters for their robes, if nothing else. They were expensive, yes, but the Warden Commander had her needs. And they were met.

She had her official Warden armor packed in her bags, and she swore as soon as she could she would change, just to escape this heat. It always pained her to take off her favorite robes. But sometimes she had to look like the Commander of the Grey, right?

Kirkwall was also bright. It made it hard to see, so she liked it best when the sun was behind buildings and out of her eyes. At least there were a lot of buildings.

She was eager to get to her destination, but had to keep her strides shorter for the stumpy-legged Sigrun beside her. She didn't mind. She had been happy to have Sigrun accompany her on this journey. She loved to travel, and her and the dwarf had grown close. It was nice to be with a friend in this new place.

In the Gallows, she thought she saw a familiar face peering at her in her peripheral vision, but she was a woman on a mission and this place made her uncomfortable, despite the Grey Warden insignia embroidered on her robes, protecting her.

Lowtown reminded her of Ferelden. The time travelling between Lowtown and Hightown was spent chatting with her companion about whatever frivolous thing came to mind.

Alasi's favorite thing about Sigrun? She was shorter than Alasi. Not that there weren't other qualities she enjoyed in the dwarf. That was just the best one.

"How big is this Maker-damned city anyway?" She complained, hoping she had remembered the directions the estate correctly. Why the hell hadn't they just met at the docks, again?

"It doesn't seem much bigger than Orzammar. And there are considerably less Darkspawn than we're used to." Sigrun commented. Always trying to look on the bright side. "Or we could be in the Fade. Basically, it could be worse."

Alasi grimaced at the mention of the Fade. A mage with an aversion to the Fade. It had certainly complicated things back at the Circle.

Luckily, there were no Darkspawn she had to kill in the Fade.

"I suppose you're right." Sigrun was always right. Maybe it was a dwarf thing. Except Oghren was certainly _not _always right, so that couldn't be it.

There were a few turns they took before the buildings started to change. Fancy stone buildings lined the streets, rather than the rotting, wooden ones. The air smelled considerably less foul, too.

"Guess we made it to High Town." The dwarf echoed her thoughts.

"Guess so."

It didn't take them long to find it after that. They had to stop and ask a passerby, but luckily it seemed everyone knew where her second cousin lived.

When she knocked on the door a dwarf answered. When she told him she was here to see Marian Hawke, she was ushered inside.

"Mistress Hawke is in her room, she'll be out in a few minutes."

Alasi was too busy admiring the room to really listen. It was huge. She had never really grasped that her family was generally nobility. This really hit it home.

She wandered over to the crackling fireplace, despite her heavy clothing, Sigrun in tow. Both were strangely quiet. Disturbing the stillness that hung on the air would seem wrong.

"Bodhan who is –"

Alasi turned around, startled by the sudden voice. Standing in a doorway directly opposite of her was a tall, blonde man. He was looking over her and Sigrun with a quizzical expression.

It didn't take long for her to recognize him. "Anders?" Her and the dwarf said in unison, just as Marian appeared at the top of the staircase.

"Alasi!"

The two had never met before, but they'd been exchanging letters over the past few years. She felt a surge of happiness, finally seeing her second cousin. Hawke rushed down the stairs and embraced the mage.

The two Wardens had decided to spend a month in Kirkwall. Alasi traded her well-loved Tevinter robes for a new, lighter set that Hawke had obtained from the Circle just for her. They fit nicely. But she missed the feathers.

Her second cousin always seemed to be getting into a mess of trouble, and Alasi wasn't going to miss that for anything.

The Gallows made her uncomfortable, but here she was, accompanying two other mages. Hawke had reassured her that as Champion, her being a mage outside the Circle was tolerated, and Anders was safe as well because of his connection to her. Of course, Alasi was hardly concerned about her own safety – she'd love to see the Templar who'd try to arrest the Hero of Ferelden.

Still, the fortress was unsettling to say the least, and the Tranquil mulling about did nothing to help.

Being around Anders was odd as well, and almost as unsettling as being in the Gallows. Something about him was so off, and she tried to ignore it. He'd barely spoken a word to her, so it wasn't hard.

"I just need to talk to Knight Captain Cullen about something before we go, so we won't be here long."

"Whoa." Alasi stopped dead in her tracks. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. _What _did you say the Knight Captain's name was?"

Hawke arched an eyebrow. "Cullen. Knight Captain Cullen. Why?"

Alasi's eyes flashed. "Oh, no reason. Lead on, _Champion."_

Hawke's expression remained incredulous, but they started walking again, Alasi scanning the area ahead of them. She saw him before anyone else did, but remained steady, walking alongside the others as they approached.

He looked different. Older. Well, of course: he _was _older. It had been a long time. There were dark circles under his eyes, and she wondered just how much sleep he had been getting.

The last time they'd met, they parted with her mind full of questions: she intended to get answers now.

"Hawke." Cullen nodded at the mage in greeting. He sounded as tired as he looked. Alasi smirked, resisting the overwhelming urge to say something. No, she would wait until he noticed her.

"Cullen, how have you been?"

Alasi crossed her arms, grinning more widely. Maybe that would draw his attention.

It did.

He raised an eyebrow, looking her over. "Hawke, who is..?" Then it him. "A-amell? Alasi Amell?"

She nearly snorted. "Hello there, Cullen. Long time no see." She winked at him, already sinking right back in to the old game. She had teased him endlessly after their little conversation. Her conscription had ended that game prematurely and she was determined to keep playing now that she had the chance.

Cullen seemed to want to smile, but his little half-smile turned to a grimace. "What are you doing here?"

No stuttering. No awkward looking around like she wasn't there. Alasi couldn't even see a blush. "Not happy to see me?"

"I didn't say that."

"Wait, you two know each other?" Hawke asked, and Alasi could hear Anders grumble something under his breathe behind her. _Shut up, Anders._

"Yes. We knew each other when I was stationed at the Ferelden Circle." Cullen said flatly.

"Is that what who you meant when you said you'd known an Amell?"

Cullen just nodded, still staring at Alasi, who was still grinning.

"You could have mentioned she happened to be the Hero of Ferelden."

_She's a lot more than just the Hero of Ferelden to me. _He just shrugged.

"Cullen." Alasi spoke slowly, drawing his name out. _There_ was the blush. "I seem to recall you having said something last time we met… Oh, what was it?"

Cullen gulped, finally tearing his eyes away from her and looking at the ground. "Um, look. I'm sure you came here for an important reason."

Both Hawke and Anders seemed far too amused by his current situation to change the subject.

"No, no, no, Cullen. What was it you said?" Alasi tapped her lip, feigning a look of being in deep thought. "Oh, that's right. Something about falling in love with a mage." She said wickedly.

"Mistress Amell." Cullen coughed. "That was years ago, can we please…"

Anders laughed behind her. "In love with a mage! Oh, that's rich. I seem to recall something _else _you said. Not very long ago, either."

Cullen glared at the apostate. _Don't you dare _his eyes said.

"Something about how mages can't be treated like people, wasn't it? They're not like normal people, hmm?"

Alasi felt her heart sinking and anger in the pit of her stomach. She bit her lip. This man was very different than the shy little boy she had known before.

Nevermind that. It changed nothing.

"Oh?" She purred.

"Look, just…" He was a flustered mess.

She narrowed her eyes, no longer biting back her anger. "So, you really think that? Because of a few fucking blood mages, hm? Did they scar you that badly?"

He shuffled around awkwardly, and Alasi could sense her companions doing the same. This conversation had taken a turn for the worst.

"Maybe we should come back later." Hawke coughed.

Alasi held up her hand. "Do whatever you want. But I'm staying riiight here."

Cullen crossed his arms. That had hit a nerve. "Mages could tear down all of Thedas is given a chance."

"Really, now? I suppose you must think that's why I saved Ferelden from the Blight. So I could tear it down. Damn, you're on to me!"

"Amell… Not all mages are the same, I understand that."

"My name is Alasi, nice to meet you."

"Alasi. Fine. You're different from those blood mages, but that doesn't change anything."

"Doesn't it? Is my cousin here just like those blood mages, then? Or Anders?"

"You don't know what I saw, what I've seen even here in Kirkwall. Maybe not all of them deserve to be locked up like this, but it's better this way. Better protect the lives of so many innocents than let these mages loose."

"And mages aren't innocents? Just because of something they were born with? As I recall, it doesn't take magic to slaughter an innocent person. Mages are murdered all the time without second thought."

Cullen frowned, staring her down. "Don't go there."

"In fact, I heard about an incident at the Ferelden circle a few years back. Innocent apprentices, little more than children, killed out of hand by a Templar. A Templar who seems to have been promoted to the prestigious position of Knight-Captain. A reward?"

"Shut up!" Cullen snapped, and Alasi almost felt bad. The hurt in his eyes was apparent. "That's completely irrelevant."

"You… you were the Templar that killed those apprentices?" She heard Anders behind her. "You bloody monster! They promoted you after that? What is wrong with you?"

"Shut up, Anders." Alasi swiveled her head around to give him a hard look. Technically speaking, she was still his Commander. He shut up.

"It's not irrelevant, Cullen." She turned back to him. "You're so fucking upset about what happened with Uldred that you have to push it on other people. Any human or elf could go crazy and kill innocent people. By coincidence, some of them happen to be mages, and sure, they're generally more powerful, but that doesn't make them inherently evil.

"I've known other mages my whole life, and Uldred was the only one I ever met who would use blood magic to hurt others. He was a madman. So get off your high-fucking-horse just because of one bad incident."

Cullen scowled. "You wouldn't be saying that if you had been there."

"I _was _there!" Alasi was almost shouting now. "Uldred killed my friends too! I knew more people in that tower than you did. I spent my whole life there. It was the closest thing I had to a home for a long time!"

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry."

"I doubt that."

"I am. About some things." His face softened as he looked at her. His pride would never let him admit he was in the wrong.

"Are you sorry you saw a mage as a person? Are you sorry you let yourself fall in love with a _mage_ of all people?"

"No. I'm not sorry about that."


End file.
